Would You Go?

Sunday night at church, during small groups, my leader asked a question: If God asked you to go--to leave [this city]--would you go immediately? Or would there be things you need to take care or first?

When I heard the first part of the question, I instantly thought of Barbados and how I would totally go without any hesitation whatsoever. Just thinking about it made my eyes mist. I would LOVE to go back to Barbados. LOVE. I mean, I would go anywhere, but Barbados has stolen my heart. If you've read some of my previous posts, you know about my deep adoration for Barbados. But if you haven't, please let me tell you more :)

I love Barbados, where the breeze tousles your hair, where 'Flying Fish' is a delicacy, where one gets used to going without air conditioning, where the people call out to others inside from the street. I love this country where life is so laid back--at least it seemed like it where I was, where poeple stop on the side of the road to talk to one another, where drivers drive on the 'wrong' side of the road. I love the people and their colorful accented speech, their walk, their endless energy, their love of life. They are open, generous, and thoughtful. They love people and will engage you in conversation no matter what your race, your disposition, or your background. I love the children whom I got to spend a lot time with beacuse they're so full of energy, always willing to accept new faces, always wanting to teach the visitor a new games, always eager to become the new person's best friend.

Mission Work?

I just got back from a mission trip in Charleston over my spring break. It was a different one than what I'm used to. This year, the student ministry decided to participate in a World Changers trip. This was a construction trip: some crews were painting, some were roofing. I had been on a couple of construction trips before and really enjoyed them.

Before we left, I was eager to get the chance to roof. Originally, I was the only female signed up to be on a roofing crew. This excited me, not because I thought I'd be the only girl, but because I wouldn't have to put up with any girl drama that never ceases to exist, even on mission trips.

To my surprise, however, when we found out for sure what crew I was on, I discovered that the roofing crews were pretty much split half and half. It turned out to be great. We all worked well together. I loved my crew-Hammer Heads-and everyone on it: Carter, Matt, Logan, Bethany, Kevin (aka "Pretty Boy"), Andy, Zach, Matteson, Chaena, Justin, Josh, Mrs. Kathy (aka "Wonder Woman"), and Chris. There was no drama, at least not that I could tell.

The week went by so fast and my crew worked so well together. We even managed to finish a few hours ahead of schedule. I loved getting to use a nail gun and hammer and I even loved scorching my knees on the hot shingles as I cut through them with a hook blade. I loved being up on a roof and being able to see the progress that is made.

Every day, kids would ride their bikes up and down the street we were working on. I longed to just hang out with them and talk to them. As we were cleaning up on the last day, the little girl that lived in the house we worked on came out and wanted to play with us. This made my day. As much as I enjoyed learning to roof, I loved the few minutes when the little girl, Brittain, came out to play with us. She had quite the attitude and was a bossy little thing, but she stole my heart. I loved seeing her smile and run around the yard and watching her tell the guys what to do.

I've known that God has called me to missions for quite some time now, but He made it even clearer this past week. The joy that took over my heart when Brittain came out to play with us is indescribable.

I still believe that God has called me to missions, but now I believe that He has called me to some kind of mission work where I can be around kids all the time. Of all the mission trips I have been on where I have the chance to work with children and other opportunities where I have gotten to play with kids, I have not forgotten a single smile.

I still remember my last day in Barbados, last summer, Courtney, one of the wonderful girls I had gotten to talk to. She was bald and she had wanted a strand of my hair. Thinking it was a little strange, I had raked my fingers through my hair to get all the loose strands. "I put in my diary and remember you-Sam-forever and ever. I never forget you" Courtney had said in her Bajan accent as she gave me a hug and sauntered off.

And little Aiden, in Summerville, with his cute little three-year-old voice, "Baseball!" or "Slide!" or "Hold me!" or "Spin!" The last day in Summerville, Aiden would not let go of my hand at the end of the day. He didn't want to go home with his parents. He wanted to sit on my shoulders or have me spin him around. I didn't want to leave him either. I wanted to hear his laughter and see his adorable smile. I could go on and on about many children that have touched my heart.

I want to hear the innocent laughter of children as they race around a playground. I want to kiss skinned knees and bruised elbows. I want to hug the sad. I want to love the unloved. I want to care for the abused. I want to share the light of Jesus with them. I want to be able to listen to them tell me about Jesus. I want to clothe the poor. I want to feed the hungry. I want to listen to the hurting. I want to warm the cold.

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed this construction mission trip. But my heart belongs to the children.

If I had to do it again, would I have agreed to go on this trip? Yes. Yes I would have. God has made His will for me even clearer this past week and I don't know if I would have heard Him as clearly if I hadn't gone. New friends, exciting experiences, and memorable moments were made during this seemingly very short week.

Words of Wisdom

Don't be afraid of taking risks or of being criticized.

It's more about who you are than what you know.

Today may be stressful, but in the long run, you probably won't even remember it.

Just hang in there. Everything will turn out right.

Don't waste your time and energy worrying about something that may not really happen.

Things can be hard but you just gotta stick it out and do it.

If you're know you're going to have a long day when you wake up in the morning, pace yourself and try to be nice to people.

It's not the end of the world if you get a bad grade on your exams (or tests). I mean, yeah, it hurts at the time, but life still goes on. Even if you don't get the highest grade or the grade that you wanted, it's still okay, again, it's not life-threatening. And if you get a really good grade, congratulations. But don't go around telling everyone about it because then no one wants to be around you.

Establish a bedtime routine. Drink a glass of milk, read a chapter in a book, brush your teeth, whatever.

Take good care of yourself. If others aren't taking care of themselves, that's their problem, not yours, no matter how close you may be to one person. Don't let their health interfere with yours, take care of you.

If you're having a rough time, you gotta talk to someone about it. You can't just keep it all inside. That's not good for you. Find someone you can trust and let it all out.

Middle School DNOW

We had middle school DNOW at church this past weekend and it was a blast for me and my group of sixth grade girls.

I have to admit, I was a little apprehensive about the weekend because usually I work with a group of seventh graders on Wednesday night and I didn't really know the group of sixth graders I was assigned to. As the weekend progessed, I grew to love each of the girls as they made me laugh at their antics, as they dove deep into the Word of God, as they competitively answered scavenger hunt questions.

What amazed me the most about our girls was their spiritual maturity, a maturity that I don't believe I reached until I was about 14 or 15. One of the girls said she felt that "Satan can use a weak Christian better than he can a lost person." Another declared that she was ashamed because her pride got in the way of her sharing the gospel with her lost friends because she was afraid of what they would say/think/do. Yet another girl expressed strong emotions when she saw a classmate accept Christ.

And those were just a few of the examples that stood out the most to me over the weekend. These girls are way cool, and if I could go back in time, I would want to be just like them.

Although I got little sleep over the weekend, I throroughly enjoyed spending time with this group of sixth grade girls and getting to know each of them better.

He Loves Me Because He Loves Me

A few of you know that over the past few weeks, I have not slept well. This has driven me crazy with my hectic schedule and desperate need to be rested. At first, I wasn't sure what was keeping up night after night.

But after some careful pondering and praying and talking to a few people about this issue, I came to think that it was the stress of not knowing where I was going to go to school in the fall. I sat while my friends received letter after letter of acceptance from their top choices. I sunk deeper as they began to send back letters of intent and fill out roommate and dorm questionnaires. I still hadn't even received anything from any of the schools I had applied to.

However, even after receiving two acceptance letters (from my top two choices) in one week, I still was having trouble sleeping.

I was tired of being tired, of falling asleep in class, of grades dropping, of crazy schedules, among a few other things.

I looked forward to my church's DNOW weekend because it is always a time of spiritual renewal and bonding with friends.

Our speaker for the weekend was really good and I enjoyed talking to him before and after worship throughout the weekend. One of the things that he really went after during his message on Saturday night was that God loves me (everyone) because He loves me. He loves me because He loves me. No other reason than that. I don't have to have a special talent with an instrument or be the number one player on every athletic team imaginable or know everything about computers and electronics. I just have to be me. And He loves me because of it. He loves me because He loves me. Our speaker said that one sentence over and over again. It is so true and simple. He loves because He loves. No other reason. That realization hit home inside.

Afterwards, as we were leaving to go to our host homes, one of my friends that wasn't in my group held out her arms to me. I hugged her back and then tears started streaming down my face. I buried my face in her shoulder and just cried. I was giving her a good bye hug before we went to our separate host homes and I was totally not expecting to cry.

I have not been able to cry in three months and I'm not a crier, but those three months were so hard and I had wanted to cry and felt like crying so many times, but my mind/body wouldn't let my tears work their emotional healing and theraputic powers on me.

I pulled away from our hug and told my friend what was going on. She listened then pulled me back into a hug and spoke some of the most encouraging and powerful words.

"We don't know why God puts us through crap, but He chose you because He knows that you can handle it. Someday down the road, He will use the crap in your life to glorify Him. It's not easy. It's hard. But God knows that you can handle it. You'll get through this. And even though there's more crap to come...Remember that He loves you because He loves you."

It was hard going home that night to different host homes, but it made the time with my friend that much more special.

Phone Contacts

Recently one of my friends was going through my contacts in my phone. "You sure have a lot more adults than kids in high school in your phone" she commented. For some unknown reason, adults trust me with their cell phone numbers and I've accumulated quite a few.

I didn't think much of it at the time but a few weeks later, a different friend and I were comparing the sheer number of contacts we had stored in our phones. Once we established who had more, we moved on to who had more high schoolers, more college students, more adults, and so on. Again, the comment was made that I have more adults's numbers stored in my phone.

That got me thinking. Useless thinking probably, but thinking none the less. It was brought to my attention that I don't have as good of a relationship with my parents as most of my friends do and that made me a little sad and disappointed. But over the past year and half or so, I've come to realize that the caring adults that I call (or Facebook chat!) when I'm upset or disappointed or just need to talk provide a kind of substitute relationship.

While it saddens me to know that my relationship with my family is almost completely superficial, I am grateful for the caring adults who take time out of their busy lives to lend an ear to a troubled high school student.

In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day: Afterthoughts

I recently finished a book (In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day by Mark Batterson) that I've mentioned a couple of times in previous blogs and some of the things that I read were amazing! I decided to post a few of my favorite lines...

"Is there any greater high than doing what no one thinks you can do? Maybe that's why God sometimes invites us to defy impossible odds. Maybe it is one way He can show us His omnipotence. Maybe God allows the odds to be stacked against us so He can reveal more of His glory."

"Too often our prayers revolve around asking God to reduce the odds in our lives. We want everything in our favor. But maybe God wants to stack the odds against us so we can experience a miracle of divine proportions. Maybe faith is trusting God no matterhow impossible the odds are. Maybe our impossible situation are opportunities to experience a new dimension of God's glory."

"God is in the business of recycling our pain and using it for someone else's gain."

Ted Loder's Guerillas of Grace:
How shall I pray?/Are tears prayers, Lord?/Are screams prayers,/or groans/or sighs/or curses?/Can tembling hands be lifted to you,/or clenched fists/or the cold sweat that trickles down my back /or the cramps that knot in my stomach?/Will you acept my prayers, Lord,/
my real prayers,/ rooted in the muck and mud of rock of my life,/and not just the pretty, cut-flower, gracefully arranged/bouquet of words?/Will you accept me me, Lord,/as I really am,/ messed up mixture of glory and grime?

"Sometimes it feels like God in't listening, but He considers ever sigh. Not only that, He is interceding for us day and night. Scripture says that God makes prayers out of our wordless sighs and aching groans." I found this part to be especially encouraging because even we can't seem to form all our thoughts into words and only make sighs and groans, God understands and hears them as prayers.

Midterm Week

It seems as if there is not enough time in a day to get everything that needs to be done, done. I get up before the crack of dawn for school, spend most of the day at school working hard to get good grades, go to track practice, go to work, babysit, make it to church on Wednesday night, go to this party or that social event... the list goes on!

And somewhere in that mess I call my life, I have to make time to spend time with God and find sufficient time to study.

These past few weeks have been hectic and chaotic to say the least. We started midterms last week and they carried over to this week, so I have been trying to get as much studying in as possible. Unfortunenately, I have not been able to get in as much as I wanted and that stresses me out just a tad (or maybe a lot). I can't count the number of times I have wanted to just scream because so much is going on!

Why?

Why do bad things happen to good people?

I have been asking myself and God this question for a couple of weeks now...since a friend of mine was held at gunpoint, since one of my classmate's dad passed away right before Christmas, since Furman denied me for early decision, to mention a few things that caused me to question.

I was searching the internet, flipping my Bible's dictionary-concordance...I desperately wanted to know why God allowed all this bad stuff to happen. I knew it was because He had a plan but it was that plan that had me tied up in knots.

Jerimiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

According to this verse, it says God has plans to 'prosper' me and not to 'harm' me. So why did He let these kinds of things happen?

I finally, little by little, got the answer.

A few days ago, my friend, Mimi, gave me a book to read (In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day) and I'm about halfway through. It talks about thriving and trusting in God even in the worst situation. One chapter touched on the very question that I was bothered by for so long. The author made kind of a side comment about God letting certain--bad--things happen to us so that once we get through whatever hard time it was, God can reveal more of His glory in the end.

Then in Sunday School, M.M. taught and the lesson was titled "Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?" Could he have gotten any closer to the very question I had pondered for weeks? M.M. brought up a good point--if there were no bad times whatsoever, we wouldn't appreciate the good times nearly as much (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).

So maybe that's why God let all those things happen right before Christmas, the 'happiest time of year.'

I Left My Heart In Barbados

I couldn't sleep and I had been laying in bed for quite a while when my mind drifted to Barbados. Before I knew it, tears were silently streaming down my face.

I longed for the scorching heat, the cool breeze, the whir of the fans at night, the crickets chirping, the frogs croaking, the sound that others make as they drift off to sleep...I even longed to have to spray my bed down with bug spray every night, to find bugs in my suitcase and clothes, to feel damp (from sweat) when I woke up every morning. I longed to eat the rice and beans, the macaroni pie, the mystery patty, even the flying fish.

I longed to be at Bayley's Primary, to be with the kids, to be with Tyreece, to be playing sticks in the mud, to be talking to the amazing ten and eleven year old girls, to be playing games outside in the swealtering sun with kids of all ages, to be eating cheese wheels (one of the best junk foods I've ever had), to be arguing with Katie about whether it was going to rain or not, to be riding back to the college with Miss Michelle (our bus driver), to be trekking up to the Heineken store to get Powerade and water and really good Bajan oreos...

I longed to be at the college, to be in the building we used for worship, to be congregating with other believers from all over the United States, to be sitting in the grass watching intense games of four square play out, to be playing signs with youth from everywhere, to be socializing with people I had never met before and probably will never meet again, to be walking to the cliff where we prayed as teams, to be taking in the beautiful view from what seemed like the top of the world, to be at Crane Beach, to be building sandcastles, to just sit in the fine white sand with red sparkles and watch the waves roll in one after the other...

My heart yearned to be back in Barbados, serving the Lord and enjoying the camaraderie that I had found while I was there, even after being back in the States for six and half months...